Wonder Drug Inspires Deep, Unwavering Love Of Pharmaceutical Companies

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Wonder Drug Inspires Deep, Unwavering Love Of Pharmaceutical Companies
March 6, 2006 | Issue 42.10

NEW YORK-The Food and Drug Administration today approved the sale of the
drug PharmAmorin, a prescription tablet developed by Pfizer to treat
chronic
distrust of large prescription-drug manufacturers.

Pfizer executives characterized the FDA's approval as a "godsend" for
sufferers of independent-thinking-related mental-health disorders.

Enlarge Image

PharmAmorin, now relieving distrust of large pharmaceutical
conglomerates in
pharmacies nationwide.

"Many individuals today lack the deep, abiding affection for drug makers
that is found in healthy people, such as myself," Pfizer CEO Hank
McKinnell
said. "These tragic disorders are reaching epidemic levels, and as a
company
dedicated to promoting the health, well-being, and long life of our
company's public image, it was imperative that we did something to
combat
them."

Although many psychotropic drugs impart a generalized feeling of
well-being,
PharmAmorin is the first to induce and focus intense feelings of
affection
externally, toward for-profit drug makers. Pfizer representatives say
that,
if taken regularly, PharmAmorin can increase affection for and trust in
its
developers by as much as 96.5 percent.

"Out of a test group of 180, 172 study participants reported a dramatic
rise
in their passion for pharmaceutical companies," said Pfizer director of
clinical research Suzanne Frost. "And 167 asked their doctors about a
variety of prescription medications they had seen on TV."

Frost said a small percentage of test subjects showed an interest in
becoming lobbyists for one of the top five pharmaceutical companies, and
several browsed eBay for drug-company apparel.

PharmAmorin, available in 100-, 200-, and 400-mg tablets, is classified
as a
critical-thinking inhibitor, a family of drugs that holds great promise
for
the estimated 20 million Americans who suffer from Free-Thinking
Disorder.

Pfizer will also promote PharmAmorin in an aggressive, $34.6 million
print
and televised ad campaign.

One TV ad, set to debut during next Sunday's 60 Minutes telecast, shows
a
woman relaxing in her living room and reading a newspaper headlined
"Newest
Drug Company Scandal Undermines Public Trust." The camera zooms into the
tangled neural matter of her brain, revealing a sticky black substance
and a
purplish gas.

The narrator says, "She may show no symptoms, but in her brain,
irrational
fear and dislike of global pharmaceutical manufacturers is overwhelming
her
very peace of mind."

After a brief summary of PharmAmorin's benefits, the commercial
concludes
with the woman flying a kite across a sunny green meadow, the Pfizer
headquarters gleaming in the background.

PharmAmorin is the first drug of its kind, but Pfizer will soon face
competition from rival pharmaceutical giant Bristol-Myers Squibb. The
company is developing its own pro-pharmaceutical-company medication,
Brismysquibicin, which will induce warm feelings not just for drug
corporations in general, but solely for Bristol-Myers Squibb.

"A PharmAmorin user could find himself gravitating toward the products
of a
GlaxoSmithKline or Eli Lilly," BMS spokesman Andrew Fike said. "This
could
seriously impede the patient's prescription-drug-market acceptance, or
worse, Pfizer's profits in the long run."

"Brismysquibicin will be cheaper to produce and therefore far more
affordable to those on fixed incomes," Fike added.

The news of an affordable skepticism-inhibitor was welcomed by New York
physician Christine Blake-Mann, who runs a free clinic in Spanish
Harlem.

"A lot of my patients are very leery of the medical establishment,"
Blake-Mann said. "This will help them feel better about it, and save
money
at the same time."

PharmAmorin's side effects include nausea, upset stomach, and ignoring
the
side effects of prescription drug medication.